turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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