i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
