Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
