ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
