Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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