You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
