kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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