just tell him i said nine months
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
