I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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