I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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