Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Randomize
