Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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