he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
