I accidentally had phone sex last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I believe in your delicious
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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