your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
