Tell her she can't have a vagina
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
