I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
