Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
