I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
