dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
