Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
tell me about the fingering
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
