if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
