I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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