Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
