Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
