OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize