I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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