That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
