I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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