From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
