Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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