YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
