allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
