A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
