You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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