see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
