meet me or not, i'm out of control
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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