after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
