How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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