We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
