i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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