hell yes lets make some ravioli
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
