someone owes me an orgasm
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
