Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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