dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
