my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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