how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
