My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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