11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
