What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
