We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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