I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize