I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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