I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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