Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
