I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
