My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
