Plan B is the new Plan A
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
