Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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