last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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