How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drunk is a universal language darling
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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