Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
