I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
