Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
