don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
