the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
