i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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