we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
