What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
